Something from my heart

Happy Birthday
Make a wish

Please accept my apologies, I wonder what would have been.
Would you have been a little angel or an angel of sin?
Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys.
Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes.
I paid for the murder before they determined the sex,
choosing our life over your life meant your death.
And you never got a chance to even open your eyes,
sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you fought for your life.
Would you have been a little genius? In love with math?
Would you have played in your school clothes and made me mad?
Would you have been a little rapper like your poppa The Piper?
Would you have made me quit smoking by finding one of my lighters?
I wonder about your skin tone and shape of your nose,
and the way you would've laughed and talked fast or slow.
I think about it every year, so I picked up a pen.
Happy birthday, I love you whoever you would've been.

Happy Birthday

What I thought was a dream
Make a wish
Was as real as it seemed
I made a mistake

I got a million excuses, as to why you died.
And other people got their own reasons for homicide.
Who's to say it would've worked and who's to say I wouldn't have
I was young and struggling, but old enough to be a dad.
The fear of being my father has never disappeared,
I ponder it frequently while I'm sippin' on my beer.
My vision of a family was artificial and fake
so when it came time to create, I made a mistake.
But now you got a little brother, maybe it's really you.
Maybe you really forgave us knowing we were confused.
Maybe, every time that he smiles it's you proudly
knowing that your father's doing the right thing now.
I'll never tell a woman what to do with her body,
but if she don't love children, then we can't party.
I think about it every year, so I picked up a pen.
Happy birthday, I love you whoever you would've been.
Happy birthday

Happy Birthday
What I thought was a dream
Make a wish
Was as real as it seemed
I made a mistake

And from the Heavens to the womb to the Heavens again.
From the ending to the ending, never got to begin.
Maybe one day we can meet face to face,
in a place without time and space.
Happy birthday.

Happy Birthday
What I thought was a dream
Make a wish
Was as real as it seemed
I made a mistake

Steady flow

He's back!! Safe and sound might I add.
Traveling is a wonderful experience we have to our convenience, but so has come to my attention, also very tiring.

I was euphoric to see him again and to receive my souvenirs!!
I got the 3rd album from Super Junior *dies*, a beautiful scarf *real silk* and a photo camera that takes yellow photo's, old skool!

After I finish school I will travel too.
For now my first and foremost wish is to go to South-Korea.
One of the main reasons for that being is that I believe South-Korea is so ahead in fashion.
And since I'm going to major in fashion it will be a grand experience!
Asia in it's whole is going to be part of my journey. Tibet, Japan, China, India, Thailand.
But as of lately I'm also drawn to Africa, never had an interest what so ever..

First things first though ;)
Going to start school in about a month and am excited as never before.
Scared to.
Will I be able to handle this after working for 3/4 years?
Will I fit in with the young kids?
I guess these are just normal fears and insecurities, so I try to let them them pass by me.
I believe I will be fine and be able to handle this AND kick ass at the same time ^_~

Wang Lee Hom

Love the whole feel of the song, amazing!



Another dreamy sunny-day-in-the-park song!



Wo ai ni <3

Fashion swap

Last thursday I hosted a Fashion-swap!
Some 7 girls gathered at my house and brought all the unwanted or not fitting clothes to swap.
We had some really good stuff to share!

The idea behind it for me was to recycle.
Don't just throw away things you can still use or re-use.
And the left-overs will go to goodwill.

We were all satisfied with our "claims" and decided to end this great evening with some dancing in town.
So after changing into one of my fav pieces of the night we were ready to head out.
There was some great dancing going on, but what do you expect from my girls ;)

Thank you, my lovely ladies, for helping me getting back on my feet without knowing it..
I love you all <3

Never only the black without the white

On a more positive note!

Don't want to put myself down to much or let my readers believe that I'm in a constant state of negativity >_< *let's just say I have my downs and questions about life*

In 2 months I'll be sitting in the school benches again!!
Being creative and giving the gray cells some exercise is what I longed for, for quite a while now.
On and educational level that is.

I'm also really really glad that I'm starting to get a lot of good friends.
Mainly girls that are by my side and support me in my every move.
All so different but each in their own way very very lovely, funny, warm and weird ^_^

Also the contact between me and my parents is building up to be something good again in the future.
My mom calls me every now and then *4/5 times a week ><* to talk about our daily lives and such.
Usually we talk for about an hour. And we have the funniest conversations!
She also brings me closer to my spiritual world and reminds me of where I come from and who I could be.

In the social part of my life I'm very very rich! <3
If only my bank-account said the same thing >_<

?

Every time I think I understand myself a little or that I understand life a little it slips.
I have no grip nor feeling with it.
And all though I'm trying, it is hard to keep track of the many paths I can follow and the choices every situation has.
Second puberty much?

My head is filled with all sorts of situations and emotions and it's hard for me to find a little peace of mind or some clarity.
Can't find time, won't make time? I'm just really really tired. Tired of the continuous drama.
And I know some teachings say; you choose the drama.
It's true! *I guess*

I think I'm afraid to make choices. What if I decide on something and then miss out on lots of things?
What if I let go and then have a mental breakdown. I won't be able to go to work, make money, etc.
My mind is making a lot of turns right now and it is wearing me out!
I think I'm having the so called; mid-twenties-crisis.

I want so many things like being peaceful, spiritual, creative, a loving relationship with the one I'm willing to fight for, secure finances.
Am I focusing to much, or not enough?
I guess I'm not focusing on the rights things now.

I should start by focusing on myself, but to be frank, I don't know how and where to start..
I read so many books about life and how to improve, steppingstones to a grand life, the life I desire.
But in an instant they're forgotten and I'm in the same place as before.
I make beginnings and then loose interest or I have some drama that evolves and needs focusing.

As you can read I feel a little frustrated with myself >_<
And here I am telling everybody time and time again; Nooo really, I'm fine!!

Liar...

What gets you going

Since I'm a very visual person I get excited and inspired by pictures.
So I have collected, once more, all my favorite pictures and made a happy bundle of them.
For inspiration and something nice to look at!

Hope you like it!

Bookcraze

I've been getting a lot of good books lately.

So a few months ago I signed up for a bookclub and every now and then they send me books from their toplist.
I could sign up for the books I want or that I would regularly choose, but I like getting suprised and read books that I would have never chosen myself.

I love books and by the looks of it I'm not even able to stall them all out ><
I just brought back a box full of manga and books and now 4 books were on my doormat the other day.

I'm so excited!
Thinking of buying a small bookcase and being all creative up on it!

Now if I could only set aside some time to actually read them all...

I wanna know what it's like on the inside of love

Love is a strange phenomenon! I personally don't get it, or have I gotten it bad..?
When you're in it it's wonderful, but when you're out of it, you're literally out of it!

I guess I have yet to figure out what it means to give true love, but especially what it means to give true love to oneself.
How do you truly love yourself?

A long process with a lot of questions that need answers, starting with knowing yourself.
Not knowing a person makes it hard to love them, right?
Now off course you can feel love for anyone and anything, be empathic.
But I think my way to loving myself is through getting to know myself.

Where to begiiiiiiin?!
I'm noticing that the more and more I know this is coming the more resistant I become .
But I cannot deny this. I cant shut my eyes and just keep walking.
My eyes have been opened and I've seen true (self-)love out there.

Save the enviroment!!

*I makes a funny face*